i am currently writing this blog at my new place. it has been almost 4 weeks i am here in Puncak Alam. continuing what i have been wanting for. to achieve what i have been dreaming of. i really hope this is not a wrong decision to be made. because knowing me, the one who always making wrong decision in life. i have meet few people here. and still in knowing process. this is too early to claim anyone as people who will get through everything with me. this is too early. but i am glad and cant thankful enough that God place me in the same house with bunch of good people that i can fit in. but i hate myself for longing to be alone. well most probably because i used to be alone at home. so i feel like a bit uncomfortable when surrounded by a lot of people. everywhere in group makes me suffocating. but that does not meant i hate them. just like my classmates, i like them. they are fun to be with but knowing me, i need some space and some times to adapt in every changes and to accept people in my life. and right now, still struggling with be around guys. i dont like when i always wanna get mad and easily annoyed with guys. they do not do anything. it is just me. change that attitude girl. you gotta be brave and change that silly bad attitude because youre not a teen anymore. youre a young adult and have to overcome that. you can do it girl.
regarding my anxiety, i feel like that in control now. havent have tears streaming down at my cheek in weeks now. i feel a lot more stronger than before. and i dont really into my feeling. i guess being far from home is good sometimes, less drama less fights. less hurting people that i love. i do miss them, a lot. but this is for good. i will come back, and be better than i was and i am now. if God wills. i will.
and sadly, i still checking up on him sometimes, go through his profile and see how happy he is now makes me feel relief and make the guilty feeling inside me go, not all but at least it does. at times i feeling sucks and still haunting by past mistakes, i keep reminding myself, he is at better place now with better companion. and that makes me feel a bit in ease. will always pray for his happiness.
i need to get in the right track back, remind myself why am i here. what exactly i want to prove this time. i know this not gonna be easy but i will go through this path no matter how it looks like. this is the beginning.