found out and realizing something

right after i post my previous entry, i randomly google my name and what i found is his old blog. scrolling down his posts years ago and read them, it was funny tho. good old days. less commitment, more freedom.

but i just realize, about his latest update,
it was last year,
march 22, 2017.

i am shock. that was when we have some issue.
and that was just, last year.
i was stunned and confuse.
but that wont change anything.
but still, thank you.

exposing myself to the virtual world

i start myself with social media; myspace, facebook, blog, twitter and instagram since i was 13 years old. especially facebook and myspace. i know about them since before that age but never try or had one because nobody at home taught me how. since i am the last child in this family and the youngest one. so when i enter high school and met some of people that i call friends (until now) (close friends to be exact) they taught me on how to use social media. creating an email and so on. since there was IT class back then, so it become a necessity for me to have an email. through those days back then, be in social media life was heck, fun, free and enjoyable! i can say that we (people on social media) didnt have to be insecure about other people's life like how we use to now. all we want to do was just make new friends, share our thoughts about anything but still in control, seeing each other life without no hatred. 

but look at now how social media become a dirty platform for some people (or trash). spreading negative vibes without thinking other people feeling. such a jerk. 

writing this based on my experiences and i am still facing these things. 

but anyway, i am glad, i am still can think rationally and ignore those bad/hate comments. even though, there is certain time i was very at my lowest point because of it. but no worries, it is normal when you enter this virtual world, you expose yourself, you put yourself in a place where people are free to throw all kind the jugdement, critics, comments or even support like nice and good words. because you know, we are also not always do the right thing. so if there's supportive comments for us or they wanna correct our wrongdoings, take it with open heart. 

i know nobody will read my blog, but you know, writing like this is like an escapism for me other than reading books. and hoping by writing, it could help improve my english. since ill be taking next paper for muet examination this saturday, 21 july. omg just by thinking of it makes my head spinning. so nervous. and actually i was suppose to write about something else, but end up with this kind of topic. never mind. will try to post another entry later. 

i start blogging since i was 14. but never keep constant. i always procrastinate and neglecting almost everything in my life. please. keep. constant. doing. this. blog. 

maybe blogging is not relevant anymore to most people. and maybe some people will say, it is lame, noob and so oldschool. but it is not, for me. 

let me tell you a story

there were two people who love each other back then, years ago. they were so in love but in ways that are different from other couple. how they start knowing each other? it all start with a simple message on one social media. a simple message from the boy who just want to greet the girl. they were in the same high school. but different year, different class. with the simple "hi" from the boy, not knowing the ending of their story would end with very unexpected and unfair for both of them. the sweetness of high school moments would not last forever. as time goes by, the girl realized something. as time goes by, as people grow, as they can think with more rational, was it fair to let the other person in pain? just be in love they say, but love is not everything. one thing she realized, though two people love each other more than anything, if they are not meant to be, nothing can do to fix the broken relationship. nothing can do to heal the pain. nothing can do to make the other person understand how hard to continue something that cant be fixed. 

the boy is all she need when she was at her lowest point. but was it fair to keep accepting instead of giving? happiness is the thing she can't give. why torturing someone who really just want to love and be loved. but why need to stay if she keep hurting the person. 

let them all call her selfish ass bitch because leaving just like that. rather than be called selfish just because she needs him only at her breaking point. give and take they say. but she could not give anything and that is making she feel guilty. remove the toxic and fix the broken part they say, but it can't be done easily in just few years. she doesn't want any person to wait for the uncertain things. that is totally unfair for everyone. so the choice? making the person who loves her more than she loves herself, hate her. that was cruel. but it gives a lot of pain to her also. trying not to say anything. trying to act very cool. trying not to let her surrounding knows. she rather takes all the blame. just to see that person happy. because that is what he deserve. happiness.

quite a complicated one. people will say why making it too complicated when you can just love. and if you really love, you would do anything to prove the love. yes. talk is much more easier than walking in their shoes. 

believe me, it is not easy. 

by the time i write this story. i can probably say, the boy is much more happier now. and i believe the girl would feel so relief to see that. 

living in guilt forever is not a big deal for her i guess.