most of my time

that feelings comes stroking me

most of the times at night

but someday when i was left all alone 

in my bedroom

i spend most of my time in my life 

sitting at my study table 

write, write, tryna find some inspiration 

tryna find something 

that represent myself 

till i got lost 

again and again 

i spend most of my time in my life 

laying down in my bedroom

looking through the windows 

looking through the white ceiling 

up there 

looking through the skies and clouds 

that was beautifully created by Him 

outside 

outside from my ability to catch it

i spend most of time in my life 

wondering, wondering if i could change 

the way i live my life, earlier 

if i got the chance to do so 

wondering where it went wrong 

wondering how could i make it right 

wondering if i have the guts to ask 

to ask why 

to ask how 

wondering why i grew up with that fear 

that makes me turn up like this 

wondering why i do not create the chance myself 

and then i realize, i was too young and dumb 

i was following my emotions rather than thinking

in a rational way

i was too afraid of my surrounding 

i was all alone 

i was a someone who spend most of my time all alone 

informal greets of new decade

to stay being in the positive condition is not easy, to be honest. i lost to myself. every time i thought i was doing good and better. to fight the little demon inside this body is tough. but i know i am not alone. going through this path, i am not alone. i try very hard to fight this procrastination thing. i have almost finish my new entry regarding new year but it got stuck and i just leave it in the draft section for so long till i do not feel to finish it anymore. this semester break is just same like every semester before. since my diploma's semester break. i am okay tho. this friday i will be at my brother's place and as usual he will send me off to the college. starting new semester. i will be in semester 3 real soon. like hello, i really cannot believe that i just passed 1 year of my degree life and i am gonna continue with the second year. it feels like it is just yesterday i got the offer to palam. but hey, it is ok. you're doing good there, right girl? i know life there might trips up a bit but look who got dean list for the second semester. i can't thank enough for that matter, even though i thought i did bad for the language paper. but luckily still got the title. to give more updates on what i am gonna do for the next semester, will still involved in the theater performances (maybe). since i already in the club. let's see how it goes later. i hope less mental breakdowns behind that closed door and less tears please.