at the point of accepting life (a bit)

15 february 2019, i am writing this entry in my room, my escape place as usual. having a bit conflict with my mom. idk. i was striked with her words yesterday and i was a bit upset. oh man, do children also have the rights to feel upset? the question always running through my mind. by the way, more or less in one week i will be leaving this place to further my studies. i am excited and nervous at the same time. still, still a lot in my head. things to buy and do, havent settling everything yet. but ive done the yuran pengajian part thingy. mom told me that abah said i dont have to take pt loan. but if i wont take the study loan, would abah pay for my study fee? havent discuss with him yet about this matter. the anxiety strikes again and i am stress. locked myself in room. and dont want to talk with anyone. this happen again. 

but ive decided to accepting all things that happened in my life. the good and the bad side. i need to really understand that things happens for reason. theres always be reason in every situation. there will always be a good and positive outcome in every choices that have been made. i choose this path from the very beginning. i cant blame anyone for the choices ive made. and i need to remind myself there will also have obstacles in every route that i take. be brave enough to pass the route, there is no turning back. first thing first, what i need to do, pray, pray hard to Him. not to easy the path for me, but to strengthen my imaan, strengthen myself to overcome every hardship in this life. ive to be more positive than i was before. if i could tell everyone around me to stay positive and be patient with all the test, why not me. learn to console myself because i have me. whenever nobody gets me, i have. more focus on self love. hoping that 2019 will be the year of me learning to accept every things that happened. to be more positive and less the bad sides of me.

it will began

finally ive got accepted to further my studies in one of university here. still in business but major in marketing. i dont know how and what to react or feel towards the news actually. i was in car with my bestfriend and on our way to have picnic together we both before she goin back to kl when i received the result. im going. for sure and of course. this is what i want and hoping for after all this while. i hope everything will be alright. theres so much running on my mind. about me continuing my studies. about my parents, my family. and ya, about my anxiety. it still come attacking me sometimes. i am afraid. 

theres so much to do also before i goin there. a lot of things to settle and i think i run out of time. and, another thing i worried about is i still cant get rid of this addiction. i dont know what to do. i cant be alone. but im always home alone. and locked myself in my room. i hope to get away from those bad things. i am moving to a new episode of my life. new surrounding and challenges. i hope i will be okay. hope.