ninth october was the day

this makes me look so pathetic if i am still writing about him. ya. pathetic; myself. but whatever it is, nobody is gonna judge me here anyway. i hope. the past few weeks, i have been passing through in front of his house, the first time ever i know where is his exact house. but decided to pass through it anyway. for the first time, i feel stuck. cant really focus to what my friends say after i lalu in front of the house. and then, yah, it feels normal back. i know, nothing could change. we will still remain like this. and never ever going back to how we used to be. because that was so toxic to him. but i am truly, honestly and completely happy for him now. he is so much better, i know. good for him. 

knowing each other little secret

7 november 2018, i havent write for a long time. a bit busy with my life. i am currently working at one cafe here not really near my house. 15 minutes to got there. and just one day off per week. working there, far from what i was expecting. a bit regret but i think it is right, everything happens for reason. i met new friends and become close to some of them. and right now, i just got back from meeting them. we all went out and have lunch together. and few times, we all will share our thoughts about certain things. i once asked them about family matter. it is such a sensitive topic but each of them were giving a good response as what i hope to get. each of them were telling and share how they feel towards their family. not so details but i feel them. and i can relate to those. i am glad and feel pity at the same time when listen to their cases. i am glad that i'm not alone even though we face the different issue. and i feel pity to them that they have to go through that rough moment in their life. just like me. at least we know, that we are not alone. we will go through this painful and rough path until we got there.

ambivert?

last week or to be exact, on 26 July 2018, i went to KL with my mom to visit my sister who had already born to a super amazing little charm. yes a boy. i am super excited also but the bitter side is i need to spend a week there because my mom need to take care of my sister and the baby before we altogether could come back to kampung. it was so bored being there because i have to do nothing. literally nothing other than being at home and just play with the baby. but yeah here i am now, back in my lovely and comfort room(only for me), and yesterday we a had a little feast for the baby and all my parents friends were here and also my relatives. 

i dont like it.

well, it is not like i hate socializing with them because you know, hate is a very strong word right. i just do not like being in a crowd. especially with those people. the perks of being an ambivert? i actually havent figure out yet whether i am an introvert or ambivert? because it is doesnt like i have both personality traits, but sometimes i feel like i do. yes complicated.

it makes me feel sick being with a lot of people. i feel dizzy and sometimes i feel like i want to cry. silly me yeah.