beginning of nov

i was so down these past few days. so many things happening and so many feelings i felt inside me. this is so annoying until i cannot focus doing my works. there are tons of tasks and assignment needed to be done but i got stuck. fuckin shit. i cried to Him during this maghrib. i feel so burden by this feelings but i dont know what to do. i need to express everything inside but i cant. i feel like crying every single day even if i was at public, in the class, walking or even if i was with my friends. i hate those situation i swear to God. too much on mind until i express my anger instead of my sadness. to the wrong person. that is my fault there. i felt so guilty towards the person. all i want is just a good relationship with every person around me. but all i did is hurting everybody. why i always act like that and regret afterward. cant you think wisely before saying something, girl? stupid me. 

but i am so grateful for having good and supportive people around me. indirectly they give me support words and motivation for me to keep going further sometimes they makes me forget all the heavy feelings inside. i try to keep myself busy this semester so that i wont think this too much but i cant ignore it when it comes. those people who are with me together struggling in this path are always there to remind me to not stop and telling me that i can do this. and they are also reminding me that i am not alone, facing this life difficulties even if it looks hard but trusting yourself is important. that is why there is words saying "believe in yourself". it is also one of the hardest thing to do. believe in yourself they say. but when youre in your lowest point at that moment because of yourself, what choice do we have anymore? 

i try my hardest to keep more positive than before in this blog. but i cannot help myself when i hit the keyboard when i was down or in need of expressing something that i cannot let it out through mouth. week 10 is coming and there are a lot of shits need to be done. new theatre performance is coming, end of this month. i will be super busy. i really hope my mental health will be just fine through these challenging weeks.