end of october quick post

i realized that most of my entries are so sad, depressing and gloomy. i promise myself to start look at the positive side of this life. i promise to live a better life. to make myself feel ease even with all the things going up and down recently. i realized that every time i want to get on the right path, i got lost. and every time i want to get back on the right track again, i got distracted with unimportant silly things. i dont want to be the version of me when i was teen. that sucks. i neglect my studies and focus on the stupid unnecessary things. why dont i keep writing like how i used to when i was in high school. random daily days on what i did, what i love, my achievement, my friends and my surrounding. expose the real me. i have been hiding behind dqueen and mikael for so long. until i forget, who i really am. what i really want to achieve in this life. expose to myself what i am capable to do. i kept saying to prove to people surround me on what i can actually do. but i forget to prove to myself, the things that i used to love, the things that i passionate about. this semester got me distracted. i almost forgot my purpose. my pointer from diploma drop when i enter the first semester at palam. even though it wasnt that bad but still. to me, it is. i forget that i am 22 fucking years old. struggling each day to get the damn scroll aint that easy. get back on track, girl, get back on track. try to balance your life as student, as a human being, as a friend, a daughter, a lil sister. keep doing what youre suppose to do. what you really want to do. dont be such a lazy bitch. and keep complain what am i like this. youre not in teenagers year anymore. youre grown up woman. for the sake of your life, your self, please keep motivate. it is not wrong to have a day full with depressing and sad quotes, listen to sad songs, but please continue live your life to the fullest. youre wasting your time, your precious time by entertaining your anxiety. you can control it. even though the thing is inside you, but you own the body, you can control it girl. 

second last day of october. i have cancel my plan with baby to ipoh. i am so fucked up with all the task and assignment that needed to be submit after mid break. there are a lot things i need to finish and i runs out of time! but ya, i am still making time to make this entry hehe. i am very sorry and feel so guilty towards her. the thing that ive promise her months ago! but suddenly i have to cancel everything. i know i am not a good friend. luckily she is okay with that but i know deep inside she feels upset too. i wish i could just go to her and forget about all the task that needed to be submit. i wish. i miss her so much. it has been almost a year i did not meet her. i hope we could meet later. i hope!