ambivert?

last week or to be exact, on 26 July 2018, i went to KL with my mom to visit my sister who had already born to a super amazing little charm. yes a boy. i am super excited also but the bitter side is i need to spend a week there because my mom need to take care of my sister and the baby before we altogether could come back to kampung. it was so bored being there because i have to do nothing. literally nothing other than being at home and just play with the baby. but yeah here i am now, back in my lovely and comfort room(only for me), and yesterday we a had a little feast for the baby and all my parents friends were here and also my relatives. 

i dont like it.

well, it is not like i hate socializing with them because you know, hate is a very strong word right. i just do not like being in a crowd. especially with those people. the perks of being an ambivert? i actually havent figure out yet whether i am an introvert or ambivert? because it is doesnt like i have both personality traits, but sometimes i feel like i do. yes complicated.

it makes me feel sick being with a lot of people. i feel dizzy and sometimes i feel like i want to cry. silly me yeah. 

found out and realizing something

right after i post my previous entry, i randomly google my name and what i found is his old blog. scrolling down his posts years ago and read them, it was funny tho. good old days. less commitment, more freedom.

but i just realize, about his latest update,
it was last year,
march 22, 2017.

i am shock. that was when we have some issue.
and that was just, last year.
i was stunned and confuse.
but that wont change anything.
but still, thank you.

exposing myself to the virtual world

i start myself with social media; myspace, facebook, blog, twitter and instagram since i was 13 years old. especially facebook and myspace. i know about them since before that age but never try or had one because nobody at home taught me how. since i am the last child in this family and the youngest one. so when i enter high school and met some of people that i call friends (until now) (close friends to be exact) they taught me on how to use social media. creating an email and so on. since there was IT class back then, so it become a necessity for me to have an email. through those days back then, be in social media life was heck, fun, free and enjoyable! i can say that we (people on social media) didnt have to be insecure about other people's life like how we use to now. all we want to do was just make new friends, share our thoughts about anything but still in control, seeing each other life without no hatred. 

but look at now how social media become a dirty platform for some people (or trash). spreading negative vibes without thinking other people feeling. such a jerk. 

writing this based on my experiences and i am still facing these things. 

but anyway, i am glad, i am still can think rationally and ignore those bad/hate comments. even though, there is certain time i was very at my lowest point because of it. but no worries, it is normal when you enter this virtual world, you expose yourself, you put yourself in a place where people are free to throw all kind the jugdement, critics, comments or even support like nice and good words. because you know, we are also not always do the right thing. so if there's supportive comments for us or they wanna correct our wrongdoings, take it with open heart. 

i know nobody will read my blog, but you know, writing like this is like an escapism for me other than reading books. and hoping by writing, it could help improve my english. since ill be taking next paper for muet examination this saturday, 21 july. omg just by thinking of it makes my head spinning. so nervous. and actually i was suppose to write about something else, but end up with this kind of topic. never mind. will try to post another entry later. 

i start blogging since i was 14. but never keep constant. i always procrastinate and neglecting almost everything in my life. please. keep. constant. doing. this. blog. 

maybe blogging is not relevant anymore to most people. and maybe some people will say, it is lame, noob and so oldschool. but it is not, for me.